maryb
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Musician jokesBagpipes are like artillery shells..........by the time you hear them, it's too late.
Do you know the definition for perfect pitch? When you throw the banjo into the dumpster and it lands on top of the accordion.
What's the difference between a viola and a cello? The cello burns longer.
How do you fix a broken tuba? With a tuba glue.
Why do drummers leave their sticks on their dashboard when they park?...so they can park in the handicapped zone.
One day the bass player hid one of the drummer's sticks. The drummer said, "Finally! After all this time, I'm a conductor!"
How do you tune two piccolo players? You shoot one of them.
A pianist gave a solo recital. When it was over, he got a big ovation, and a woman in the front row stood up and shouted, "Play it again! Play it again!" He stepped forward and bowed. She yelled, "Play it again until you get it right!"
What's the difference between a soprano and a rottweiler? Jewelry.
And..............
a bunch of bass players walk into a bar. The orchestra is playing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, and there's a long part near the end where the basses don't play. So the bass players decide to go out and have a few beers. They tie a string to the conductor's score, so that when he turns the page, it will tug on the string, and the bass players will know when to come back for the end of the symphony.
So the performance goes on, and eventually the conductor looks up and realizes he is in trouble: it's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied and the basses are loaded!
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